Breasts and bottles. Cribs and Co-sleepers. Rice cereal early, or baby led weaning. Spanking or gentle discipline. Natural consequences or punishment. Epidural or natural. Cloth or 'sposies?
Seriously people, it's no wonder mom's have such a tough time making friends. Not only are we hauling around all our other weirdo baggage (political views, religious convictions or lack thereof, socioeconomic snobbery or fear, education status, your KIDS educational status, our OWN parent issues) but we are creating new issues for ourselves every day. I do it. You do it. We all do it. Admit. Don't you feel better?
Most people do not live in an idyllic little clime where everyone around them agrees with and lives like they do. So it stands to reason that there are going to be lots of different parents with lots of different ways of parenting. Of course, right? Well, DUH. But really, are we honestly watching someone whack their kid's butt with a completely non-judgemental mind when we ourselves believe hands are not for hitting? I mean, I feel the rays of disapproval searing into my back every time my kid pulls out a non-diluted juice box. I'm sure MORE than enough people have viewed my almost three year old pacifier addicted son and thought, "she needs to get that thing out of his mouth". And hey, I've had my own share of high and mighty thoughts regarding ferberizing, circumcision and forward facing car seat issues. And let's not even talk about diapers! Sheesh! That's just the way of it in parent land. Right? Is there a way to parent the way you feel is right without alienating someone who does things differently?
Do you feel sort of, um, judged when someone starts telling you what they do when it is obvious you are doing something completely different?
I would hate for childrearing discussions to go the way of "religion and politics" as being somewhat taboo because people don't want to offend each other. As someone who is seriously contemplating homeschooling (or unschooling) as an option if Montessori doesn't fit, I don't want to have someone come at me expounding the virtues of public school and how homeschooled kids are weird. (and trust me, I've known some weird homeschool kids, and yet, here I am considering it) Because I KNOW how that's going to go. Quite often it comes down to if you choose one thing, and someone chooses something else, you, or they (or both!) are going to think that since that person didn't choose the same thing as you that they don't like the choice you made and think that you choose incorrectly. (um, make sense?!)
We don't want to live in a bubble where we're surrounded by only those people who read, and eat and play and philosophize exactly the same way we do. Yet I am not up for completely flakey and fake mom's group gatherings where no one talks about anything with substance because they are afraid of stepping on toes.
Well, perhaps this post has no point. And I'm a bit distracted lately with all the moving prep that is occurring and impending. I'm just trying to hang on here. But this was on my mind.
I'd love to hear some parents weigh in on this...
2 comments:
It's a constant challenge. Parenthood has so many choices, as you say, and you have to believe your choices are the right ones or else you live in guilt all the time. It can be hard to remember that what's right for me may not be right for someone else. But that's where we get started judging, I think -- I need my choices to be right, but so does every other mom.
You are so right, Amy. Everything you said. It is such a challenge, believing you are doing the best you can for your family, not being threatened by your peers' choices and not judging them either! I'm trying hard to be aware of how I present things when people ask me about this parenting thing or the next and make sure I don't come off sounding "know it all". I know nothing! :)
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