How I Voted Today!

Yee Haw!!! It's that time of year again everyone, the once every two years ELECTION SEASON!!! Woot woot! What???? You say?  Wait, isn't it only 2010?  I've got another two years before I can slap some stickers on my car and proclaim myself patriotic!  Come on, I KID.  I KNOW you are all as excited as I am to flex your 15th Amendment (if you've got a penis) and your 19th Amendment (if you're awesome!) right to VOTE.  Cast that ballot!  Have your say!  Make your voice heard!!!!!  Can you tell I'm excited?  This little liberal loves to fill in some bubbles, I must add and I like to bring my sample ballot with me so I can be a really super fast voter extraordinaire!

Let me be honest with y'all.  The mid term elections have never truly thrilled me.  I've only been voting in the last two or three times they've come around, but I like to do it.  Mostly because, really important things, get voted on in these elections.  Not just president.  School levy's, Homestead exemptions for our troops, the freaking GOVERNOR of your state!  Um, hello, I definitely want to be out there putting my vote against someone who defrauds Medicare.  Um, more than once.  Right?  This is big stuff!  Really big!  Well, er, um, most of it is...

I tend to lose interest when we get to, oh, say, Circuit Judges...  And while I probably just shouldn't fill in the bubble for anyone if I truly don't have an opinion one way or another, well, sometimes I can't help myself.  So!  I'll share with you "How Catherine votes if she really has no effing clue!"

It goes something like this.  I'm reading my sample ballot and once the big stuff is taken care of, things I've confidently researched and asked questions about, etc., I find myself facing an assortment of names that have really no meaning to me.  Oh, don't get me wrong, I know they are important, this is shameful, and I admit it, but I'm all about honesty here.  So, as I see these names floating in front of me, I come up with games.  They're all non-partisan (well, at least according to the ballot, ahem), so I can't easily select for the obvious big D, which is, of course, my when in doubt go to.  If it's a man and a woman, I obviously vote for the woman.  If it's two men or two women, I figure out whose name I like better.  Today, for example, one man's name sounded a lot like "Horcrux", an item featured in Harry Potter books.  I like Harry Potter books.  I voted for Horcrux.  Several names I recognized from signs that litter my neighbors yards to such an excess that they scream at me from the sides of the road.  I definitely do NOT vote for any of these names.  Why?  Well, let's just say, my political opinions are unique amongst those of most of my neighbors.  If THEY like them, I can tell you that I most certainly do NOT want them representing me.  For one circuit judge position, I reached into my back pocket and drew out the card that a kindly looking man from the parking lot handed me as I was walking into the library for early voting (Day ONE, y'all!), and assured me that Mr. So and So for Judge was, in his words, "a good man".  "Oh yeah?" I said, "Sounds good!"  And he got my vote.  In my romantic mind, I imagined said kindly man as this eager young soldier of justice's proud and devoted father.  Raising young Mr. So and So alone, having lost his wife to an early illness, kindly parking lot man taught his son all about equality, kindness, compassion, strength and moral fiber.  Of course they must be of like mind with me, I innocently conjecture, and so, with that, I fill the bubble for Mr. So and So.  Perhaps he is a minion of the Dark Prince, but sheesh, he's a circuit judge, I mean, come on.

Let's be honest here people.  Back in '08, when I was schlepping door to door for THE PRESIDENT, *ahem, - I met lots of people who were all, "Wha?  Voting time already?  Where do I even go do that?"  I mean really.  At least I get out there.  Like my methods or not.

So, remember, election season is every TWO years.  Go my friends, flex your rights!*



*If you are citizens of the United States of America, of course. And of legal voting age.  
*Catherine cannot be held accountable for problems with the country based on her votes. 
*Catherine does not recommend her bizarre method of choosing candidates as the ONLY way to vote.  This is just one way.   

The Shark has Officially Been Jumped (Alternately: How I almost killed myself at Barnes and Noble)

I'm going to share a secret with you guys: I've kind of always wanted to be a writer.  Like, for reals.  I even had a one time shining star moment in my single digit educational years when I pulled off some trophies and such for my "writing".  My creativity.  My unique je ne sais quoi - if you will.  Those days have clearly passed as my brain has been plundered by too much nonsense and filled with too many quotes from The Simpsons.  The only things I've managed to pull off in the realm of published work has been the world's most boring Master's Thesis (only quoted by a few poor students in China and likely an obligatory mention by the NPS), some articles for Jacksonville's Folio Weekly (thanks John for the opportunity! wave) and a rejection from Jane magazine (but only because they were closing their mag, holla! it's almost like I got published! They said they really liked my article... right?).  Even though I've had a rather blah writing existence, I still harbored hope that one day I'd have the fortitude and enough Vodka to pull off something that a few kindered spirits would read, come to love... and maybe purchase on their Kindle or something - or even just borrow from the library.  I harbor no delusions of NYTimes bestseller lists or any of that, really.  So I clung to my tiny hopes until an innocent trip to Barnes and Noble brought me to this:

What. The. Fuck.

Really?  REALLY?!  Hillary "songbird/actress/tween sensation" Freaking DUFF?!  Is now a published author?  Hello world?  Um, how is this fair?  Possible?  ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!  Now, don't get me wrong, I harbor no ill will towards the Duff.  I'm sure she's a very nice person, I mean that.  She's never made it onto my specific list of scorn or anything, but come on!   And the kicker?  The kicker is that it's apparent that Ms. Duff has found herself so inspired by the current (and hopefully flagging - because really?  if Hilary Duff is publishing in this theme, it's time for the literary world to MOVE ON.  Maybe compelling tales about secret Repbulican/Democrat lovers?  That's just about as likely as vampires, right?) paranormal/vampire/werewolf/things that go bump in the night - zeitgeist that she was so compelled to ink out her own tale.  I, of course, gathered this information from reading the cover only.  Now, not being a huge fan of the Twilight series (although I openly admit to having read them quickly while very pregnant and yearning for trashy escapism) I do not know this for sure, and do not want to risk infiltrating my computer and FBI traced cookie system to any websites that may likely contain what is probably thousands upon thousands of wannabe fanfiction excerpts - but a LOT of crap is getting penned.  There are THOUSANDS of people out there writing their little hearts out without a fly's chance in a honey factory of getting published.  I feel for them, and even though I have no interest in writing anything using somebody else's creations, I do give them credit for being inspired enough to actually put pixels to screen and write something.  Anything.  Even if it's crap.  Even if it's crap based on mind-boggling bad writing that somehow captured the imagination of much of the World's (mostly female) population.  *sigh.  Once again, I'm off an a tangent (hence the reason I am not a published author - although, James Joyce is the biggest tangential writer I've ever read, and yet somehow he continues to be considered brilliant... perhaps my deep loathing of his work is really a nefarious connection.  I am Joyce reincarnated! Or likely not).

So anyway, where am I going with all this.  Well, seeing the well meaning and likely hopeful budding author, Ms. Duff, with a stand at Barnes and Noble caused me great pause.  What the hell am I doing?  The thing is, I don't even know what kind of writing I'm even interested in putting out there.  I've got relative tomes on my laptop filled with craptastic prose.  At least Hilary actually DID something.  (I'm assuming she wrote this all by her self, of course, benefit of the doubt here...).  And, of course, being a celebrity, had no trouble finding someone to represent her.  Because, if you're a peon like moi, you will NEVER GET AN AGENT.  Just sayin'.  Even if you're Hemmingway.  But, I just like to whine about how I don't have time to get anything done, am too exhausted to finish the laundry and before I know it, it's ten o'clock and time for night night.

I read, A LOT.  Tons.  I'm really good at reading.  I should be a professional reader, I think.  I can speed read, retain a lot of information, and pass reading comprehension exams like I was the one who wrote it. I'm that good.  I'm a huge fan of Margaret Atwood, whose own brand of science fiction is chilling, disturbing, and highly engaging and thought provoking.  I love essayists like David Sedaris and I love me some trashy romance novels as well, (hellooooo Kindle!)  I love to read biographies about famous politicians wives.  I scour parenting books hoping for light bulbs to flash over my head with brilliant suggestions for not screwing up my kids.  I devour the Times and WSJ online, and I enjoy a good perusal through Tattler now and again, just to keep my hand in.  But how would I write?

Part of me has such a short attention span that I'm sure essays and short stories are the way to go.  But, the last thing I want to become is the poor man's David Sedaris.  You know, like Chelsea Handler (who, to be fair, can be pee your pants hilarious at times, but really, there's only so many tales of one woman's oft used vagina that I can take, you know?).  I've brewed up a few novellas, dabbling in weird Asimovian themes (much to my father's delight, I am sure), but they suck.  So, DELETE.  I've never been into poetry, so don't even suggest it.  Except for the occasional humorous Haiku, I'm pretty much the anti-poet.  I've considered children's books, but I use "like" and "fuck" too much.  I might accidentally slip something inappropriate in, and that would be tragic.  (Remember Carri Bradshaw suggesting her magic cigarette children's book to Big's ex wife?!  LMAO!)  I've considered screenplays and stage plays, but I'm too improv-oriented for that to be serious.  Plus, writing dialogue is a pain in the ass.

Where does this leave me?  Well, back where I am currently.  Sitting at my kitchen counter clacking away on my aging Macbook, sipping on some wine and squinting at the screen while thinking, "Jeez, I need to get some new glasses".  The Duffster's foray into tree murdering publications might have inspired this post, but really, this kind of thing is always on my mind.  What I'm not doing.  What I'm not doing that I wish I was doing.  And that, my four dear readers, is what this post is about.

So, well, I guess it just comes down to me, once again, doing what I do best.  Bitching about the world and not doing a damn thing to change it.

Sorry y'all

But I'm

Here -------->

I won't be back to blogging for a bit, so bear with me.  Here's a few lovely photos of some of the things we're up to right now...

Later.

A little story, from yesterday.

In pictures.

Isla says, "I want to put shoe here" (points to foot)

Ronan offers his shoe putting on expertise

Sake is bored by this entire process

Eventually, the shoes are forgotten.

Must read. Now finish those baby books!

I'm about to go upstairs, screw the dishes - and while my children, nap (sort of, see last post), I will catch up in the journals I began for them when I found out I was pregnant.  It's been a few months and yes, they have changed, so so so much.  I no longer care that I may be perceived by some as another cliche mommy with a camera, because that camera only became important to me when my children became mine.

Read this amazing post at In Pursuit of Martha Points, here.  Be inspired.  Be moved.  And get cracking.

If only I'd had a camera..

Envision this scenario....(use your imagination, 'kay?)

It's naptime.  Children are tucked in their beds... I think!  I'm furiously cleaning and mopping and such, finally put that broom away and I hear... clomp clomp clomp...

I dash up the stairs... open the three year old's bedroom door to find... sweet little Ronan is walking around with his toes jammed into his Build-A-Bear Darth Vader's black plastic boots.  He's trying to climb back in bed as he hears me coming - little boy halfway up into his bed, legs dangling... little black boots on his toes.  OH.  MY.  GALOSHES.  It was so hard not to laugh outright.

"Back in bed, my dear!"
"But mom, these are my bear's costume boots!".  Does that somehow explain why you are not napping?

Ahhh, kids... I'll forever have that hilarious image.  :)

I have a post in the works...

It's going to be riotously amusing.  Maybe.  Or snarky.  Later today, stay tuned. 

Until then, check out this picture from the archives...

One of my favorite pictures of Ronan as a baby.  He's about 3 months old.