Does anyone else think that childhood today is a teeny bit, oh, more apesh*t than it was ten-fifteen (30?) years ago? There are so many technological distractions out there these days that I cannot even IMAGINE what my children will be facing in ten years! Right now, my kids are pretty much interested in what kids have been interested in for, oh, the past history of humankind. Toys. Fun. Exploring. My children are two and almost one years old, so, I suppose they are pretty easy to entertain. But in a few years, oh man! What am I going to do?
For example. When do kids get cell phones? I am not talking about getting my kids iPhones with unlimited text messaging or anything, but I can see the value of a limited minutes simple phone they can use to call us in emergencies. I KNOW my parents would have gotten me one, but it would have been HIGHLY controlled. I remember getting my first phone in my room when I was in Junior High. Pink, plastic, and connected to my parents land line. No private number for me! But still, I felt very awesome. I didn't get a cell phone until Graduate School. That's GRADUATE SCHOOL folks. Did I miss not having a phone all prior to that? Well, no. No one had one, really, except fancy folks. I was not fancy. Am not fancy. Okay, so cell phones. Any suggestions?
Next. The internet. HOW? What? WHEN?! No longer do you worry about the bully on the playground, but the bully on Facebook, or Myspace, or whatever. Hearing about children killing themselves because of being bullied on the internet sends tremors of anger and fear through me. I suppose I can have "parental controls" and "keep conversation lines open" and "monitor" to the best of my ability, but seriously? kids can get around you! I was once a child. I understand this. I harbor no delusions that I will a) have no problems when my children become tweens and teens and that they'll always think the sun sets and rises by my dictate, or b) that they (even if we have an amazing relationship) will tell me everything. I was a pretty well rounded teen and fairly happy, I think, but embarrassing trips through some old journals (now tossed, because really, I do NOT need that stuff lurking around in some box) and rereading the inky scribblings of teen angst, proved a clear reminder that I was trying to deal with lots of emotions on my own. Not fun. Not cool. I can only imagine how much weirder and more angsty it would have been if I had been trying to prove myself not only at school, but also on the internet! Yikes. I truly feel that technology today has advanced MUCH faster than young children and teens are capable of handling.
And not only is the world of technology far more invasive than I'm currently comfortable with (mind you, spoken by someone whose own iPhone is never farther than four feet away) but I have lost pretty much all confidence in the American Education System. Not in teachers, please note, but in the system. I hate how underfunded schools are, how important curricula is phased out, how sports are overglorified and how little focus is placed on the individual. I'm not sure the school box is the way to go.
To be quite honest, I am very much thinking more and more about homeschooling, or other form of alternative education. Not so much to protect my kids from things they might run into in the school yard, but because maybe I think that this whole world is really far, far too complex. Much more than it needs to be. And I think, honestly, that I can do a better job. I have no more faith in the system. I'm no longer confident with putting my kids in school to be told later that my child is "acting out" and likely ADHD because energy and creativity are no longer appreciated as it makes it harder to ram the FCAT (or, insert your states BS standardized test here).My goal is definitely not to produce children who are obsessed with some vague notion of "success" as defined by American capitalism. What DO I want for them? I want them to be happy! I don't want them to have homework in Kindergarten and I don't want their schedules filled with so much work and sports and clubs and etc. etc. that their dayplanner is busier than Hillary Clinton's. That is not living, at least in my opinion. I'm not suggesting I hope to raise slacker waistoids, but maybe, just maybe, I want to try something else and let THEM decide who they want to be, and what they want to do. Less pressure... I'm sure that sounds so naively idealistic. But it's how I'm feeling right now. It's how I feel most days. And I think about this a lot. Especially since I'm feeling the "preschool pressure" to get my son in the "best" preschool I can find (and afford). He's not even three and I'm already getting sucked in. I can feel it. And it's freaking me out.
How do you navigate this 1000000 x more complicated world? Or am I making a big deal out of nothing?
Does anyone wonder if our priorities are skewed?
3 comments:
I totally agree, Kiki, with all that you are saying, and since you have somewhat older children who are already in this world, your perspective is really great. I definitely am not trying to tout the "good old days". I agree that that is annoying, but I do think that technology is wayyy too pervasive and influential. And far more advanced than children can handle. IWhile I definitely agree that it can be used to great advantage with the learning, etc. I speculate that social networking and chat groups and all that are probably not the healthiest place for, say, teenagers and I think there is so much opportunity for abuse. We have already determined that there will just be the 'family' computer and no tv's in their rooms (bad sleep hygiene - lol). LIke I wrote above, I will be getting the kids cell phones, but I really had no idea when that would be a good time. The thought of alone play dates is perfect. That makes a lot of sense.
And as much as I hope to have great communication with my kids, who knows what's going to happen. You know? Maybe I'm not trusting of myself enough? Hmm. Regardless, I'll definitely be looking to you for guidance along those lines! Glad you had kids first. :)
As for schools. Well, you and I have talked about that before. While you are lucky to have excellent public schools, where we will be, it's a different story. Teachers are struggling against a bad tide and since the majority of the taxpaying public is retired and childless, all is deferred to the glorious FCAT and while many other places are facing budget shortfalls, it is hellacious in Florida. And I HATE standardized tests. I think they are bullshit to the nth degree. Maybe because I sucked at them, and feel like they do not accurately judge the actual knowledge base of a student. I do not feel that schools, public or private, address the individual needs of the student on the whole. And this scares me. I am not happy about sending my kids to a religious private school either, as I also have issue with organized religion! LOL! So, I'm just not sure where they'll fit. Where our family will fit. There's a reason so many kids are being diagnosed with "behavior disorders" and that has a lot to do with a faulty system. Sure, lots of kids will flourish in the regular system, but many will have difficulty. Many who are not less intelligent, but who are just different. But, like I said, I am struggling with this, and doubtless my opinion will change a zillion times. As well, as much as I idealize home schooling myself, I am pretty sure that I am not disciplined enough to really do a good job at that. I want a middle ground and am looking to find it. KWIM?
Anyway, good points!! xo And I like how optimistic you are, I am definitely in a glass half empty frame of mind lately. ;-)
My Friend Carri sent this to me via email as our comments were acting funky. This is from her, not me. :) Thanks Carri!!!
Cat, Have you looked into the "Unschooling" Movement? Interesting stuff.
Also, on the "best pre-school thing," I feel ya there but it was really interesting to us how one person's "best" was another person's "worst." For example, parent X wants a academically-rigorous program with middle-upper class students and parent Y wants a diverse student population and a nurturing environment. I think the bigger issue if finding what's best for you & your child (homeschooling, military school, whatev) and trusting your intuition.
Oh and the "standard" age when I was teaching for cell phones was 5th or 6th grade.
One more thing on homeschooling. I definitely went through that, too. I mean, heck I have a freaking Ph.D. in Education! BUT, I was really discouraged by the fact that a lot of the homeschooling materials just replicate what goes on in traditional schools. Unfortunately, it's turned into big business!
Ok, I have a bit of a different train of thought on this one. While I agree that things are changing I don't necessarily see them as bad or getting worse. Just because it's different than it was when we were growing up doesn't mean it is going to be hands down terrible. I think we have to get out of the mindframe of "the good ol' days." How many times have you rolled your eyes when your parents or grandparents start down this track. "back when I was young, we walked to school... we played outside all day long, blah blah blah." It's important to keep a perspective on all of this. Yes, cell phones are everywhere, and I'm sure that I will be getting Thing 1 one once he has more alone play dates and I want to be able to reach him (I'm thinking one of those kid ones that only dials a couple of numbers and has a gps tracker thing in them!). Just because they have a cell phone though doesn't mean they will abuse it. I think good parenting will go a long way. I feel it's important to teach your kids good decision making stills so when they are faced with all these challenges (that may be very different than what we had going on... but again, not necessarily bad) they will be able to make a good choice for themselves. I hope to develop a very trusting relationship with my kids. I want to give them freedom to make choices and mistakes and have real "life" consequences... I want to trust them in their lives until they give me a reason not to... not the other way around. The same with the internet. Thing 1 uses it now for a few games etc. Again, teaching him things are appropriate and things that are not okay to look at go a long way. Granted I only want to have a "family" computer in a main room (no computers alone in rooms or tv's for that matter), I think that kids can get a lot from the computer. It's all about balance. Our kids these days have to balance more things, but I think they will be better for it in the future.
Having a kid in public school kindergarten, I have faith (at least right now!) in our schools. Hudson loves loves loves school. He loves being in charge and in control of his "space" at school. He loves making his own choices. I love how his eyes have opened up to reading and counting and adding up money and change. I love that he gets a different perspective on the world than the one he gets at home. I believe that we teach him a lot at home, but what he gets out of school is very valuable for preparing him for the real world. I will admit I did have a moment of "ooo maybe I'll homeschool" when I walked into the teacher supply store to get lined paper to practice letters. Those stores just appeal to my inner school supply dork and I had a vision of getting all those posters and maps, pencils, etc and decking out our unused dining room as our "school"... again, this was more of a desire to have a reason to get all these school supplies than anything else! Anyhow, I am also impressed that with all the budget issues with our school and how underfunded they are, you still get these amazing teachers who do such a fantastic job of instilling a love of learning and school in my child. So what if they have to teach 20 site words to pass stardardized test... I'm all for that because he also comes home excited about volcanoes and illustrating his own books. He wants to be a writer or an artist now! He loves that he can tell us about what he did that day, and what his friends are up to. That's my pro public school rant for today. Life is as complicated as you want to make it. It's all about perspective. I think we can make all these technologies work for us and our kids and not be somthing we are fighting. Uncomplicated balance... that's my message.
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