The SAHD

What is the SAHD (Stay at home Dad)?  This elusive creature has a habitat similar to the SAHM (Stay at Home Mom), ranging across the world, primarily in locales where women tend to take on professional and more lucrative positions in the work force, allowing for one partner to remain with the cubs back at the cave.  This is often seen in smaller cities with lower costs of living and higher per capita education levels.

As a SAHM, myself, I've had the good fortune to observe these elusive beasts in their own habitat, unknowingly going about their child-rearing and baby bonding ways while being observed by myself, posing nonchalantly under guise as average SAHM.  Living in an environment rife with the SAHD, I've learned much in my observations.  I've even befriended several of these elusive creatures.  Our children have even...*gasp... playdated (term coinage pending).

I've noticed that these SAHD are extremely similar to their female counterparts.  They often push the same strollers, wear the same baby carriers and whip out wipes and cheerios at just the right time.  The SAHD is often more relaxed than the SAHM.  Often SAHD is not hovering over his progeny with a worried face with arms outstretched to save little precious from a tumble.  For this, I give props.  The SAHD friends I have made have confessed to me that they have found it somewhat difficult to ingratiate themselves into the SAHM world.  Frequently they cannot get into any mom's clubs.  This sucks, because this SAHM appreciates the levity that many of the SAHD's I've met can bring to a congested child-centered experience.  Alas.  This researcher has noticed that some SAHM's tend to shoot the wary eye towards the SAHD, as if said SAHD has only borrowed the child(ren) he has in tow and is really a perv.  This, I have found, is generally unlikely.

Having spoken with many a SAHD, they tend to have the same gripes, concerns and daily schedules that the SAHM herself encounters.  For example, they bitch equally about laundry piling up with unprecedented speed, dirty dish management, bill paying, how much is too much television viewing, playdate mayhem and   "Oh dear when oh WHEN is it finally nap time?!".  As well, angst surrounding "am I contributing equally to the household?" and "really, how can I justify spending any money on things other than groceries and the kids".  Oh yes, the similarities are numerous.

But, oh reader, as one may imagine, there are differences between the SAHD and the SAHM.  One notable difference is lactation.  The SAHD simply cannot do it.  Their breasts are dry and as such, do not have to worry about nursing bras, nursing tops, breast pads, and accidentally flashing the UPS man when he pounds on the door with your regularly scheduled Amazon package (not that this happens to me or anything...).  One of my SAHD friends, who is a former member of a special SAHD "dad's group" in the area, divulged some secrets of what happens in a SAHD meeting.  Namely, what they talk about!

I was somewhat shocked to discover that many SAHD's actually fantasize about "hooking up" with a SAHM.  Trust me, this has never been discussed by ANY SAHM's as a particular fantasy of their own, so either the mom's are keeping this juicy bit of fantasy to themselves, or they do not have it.  For me, my fantasies tend to revolve around household cleaning services and dishwashers (neither of which I have).  Perhaps the SAHM is somewhat subconsciously alert to this SAHD fantasy, hence the wariness they often show towards their male brethren.  Likely, the SAHD allows himself this tiny bit of fantasy because he realizes that never in a million years would this actually happen.  For when would it?!  While their toddlers are tussling over the train table?  Fighting over fish shaped cheese crackers?  I can guarantee that it wouldn't happen during any nap times.  Why?  Because the second MY children are asleep, my hands slap on my blue kitchen gloves and I'm washing dishes, then hurdling downstairs to switch out laundry, and then, the magic of TWO sleeping children has occurred, I might spend 15 minutes on Facebook.  Yes, dear reader, you know this is a familiar pattern.  I am pretty sure that this is the exact same pattern of the SAHD.

So, dear friends, I say, the SAHD is not to be feared.  He is to be warmly invited into your child's play circles.  Their little boys and girls need to socialize as well, and trust me, they do too.  SAHD's are often funny and friendly.  They are working just as hard to keep the family together as the SAHM while their wives are out working hard at out of the home jobs.  These dads are often a font of knowledge, like any mom can be.  I say, tap this well.  But not in a sexy way, but in a, "Hey, how did you get your kid to eat that broccoli-way?".  There is much to be learned from one another.