Where does your baby sleep?

I cannot believe I am actually going to be using a FOX news story (in a positive and balanced way!) to bring this topic up. But here goes.




If you watched this clip, which is rather good, regarding infant deaths in Milwaukee that have been attributed to bed sharing, you'll see that they give one commonality between ALL of the infant deaths. Alcohol? Couch sleeping? When I watched it, I expected them to say it was that all of the parents whose child had perished while co-sleeping tested positive for alcohol. But I was wrong. It was formula feeding. Not because formula feeding makes babies die, but because, in the circumstance of formula feeding and the night time bed, after said bottle is finished up, the baby is not placed in the nook under mom's arm with mom on her side, but usually higher up in the bed, with more opportunity to roll around and get stuck in pillows. No shit. The doctor in the study also discussed how there is a particular link with breastfeeding mothers and their infants, with the mothers sleeping lighter, waking more frequently, and perhaps more in tune to the baby. I will admit, as a breastfeeding mother who co-sleeps many many nights with her infant (still, yes! She's almost one! And guess what, I'm NOT telling the nurse at her one year check up because she'll just tell me the same thing she told me at her nine month check up and that was that my baby was waking because she was used to it and didn't need to be near me at night. I nodded like a good little mommy and inside my head said, "Okay, gotcha, this is kiddo number two, I'm not a novice") I can attest to the weird bond that might occur at night between momma and baby. For example, I wake up seconds before I hear my baby make noise on the monitor. Likely waking up the same time she or he does. Once, I KNOW that R and I had a shared dream because in MY dream I was yelling a name out and it woke me, to hear R YELL that SAME NAME out in his sleep. Freaky. He was about 20 months old at that time and had long been sleeping by himself in his own bed. The link had been established!

Personally, I have found sleeping next to my babies to make for easier nights for me. No Ferberizing, no "training" my baby to do what I think they should be doing. The first four months or so, I keep the little Co-Sleeper Bassinet next to my bed and when baby first wakes, I gather them up next to me and they nurse and we both fall asleep. Around five months, I start putting baby in his or her own bed to start the night and when they wake, I bring them to bed with me. Eventually they start sleeping longer and long until eventually they will sleep the whole night through. Sure, there are times when it's four am and I am not thrilled to hear that little peep over the monitor, but I also tell myself that these are such fleeting times that will be gone forever with that baby and I need to try to find the joy in that. And I do.

I've loved co sleeping and I do watch to make sure our bed is safe for the baby, free of blankets and watch the pillow. I love waking up in the morning to a sweet smiling baby and I am pretty sure that they feel safe and happy. Of course, co sleeping is not for everyone. Some babies go right to their cribs the day they come home. Other parents go way further than I do and have a whole mattress on the floor system that involves the whole family (hence the term family bed) where all the family sleeps in one place every night, all night. Honestly, this isn't for me and my family at this time, but I truly respect that families for whom this works. Rock on with however you want to do it.

So, I suppose the point of this rambling brook of a post is to say that I am happy that there is an actual mega media news source that reaches a lot of people on a daily basis (far too many if you want my opinion... ahem, but in this case, I'm down with that... I kid! Sort of) is fairly treating the issue of sharing sleep with your babies. And doesn't actually villainize parents for doing what feels natural to them, because some idiots want to turn co sleeping into a law breaking offense! Nice! And, if you want to get all historical and anthropological about it, studies show co-sleeping is in fact safer than crib sleeping. Almost all cultures do it. The ones that don't are wealthy Western countries who have been given the line that crib sleeping is safer. A notion that came about at the turn of the last century when the economy boomed, and people started building bigger homes and creating "nurseries" and hence needed cribs... so, can you see where this is going? Yes, crib manufacturers came out with the idea that cribs were safer. To sell more cribs. Yes. Look it up. This is not to say cribs have no place. I have two of 'em for crying out loud, and more pack n' plays than you can shake a stick at.

Parents are constantly being TOLD what to do by outside influences. Parenting has evolved from being very instinctual to manual driven. Even the crunchiest of the crunchy parents have a plethora of books guiding the right and wrong way to parent. It gets overwhelming. I know I am overwhelmed! I like guidance and appreciate advice that jives with my inner mom voice, whom I trust the most. When something prickles what feels right to me, I tend to ignore it. That works for us.

What works for you? I'd love to hear!

KIKI SAYS:
What a great clip cat! I LOVE bed sharing. I had Thing 1 in bed with me until he was 10 months old (and honestly he would still be there with me if we let him). I then had Thing 2 in bed with me until she was 3 months old and really wanted to sleep by herself (she still is this way... she doesn't like cuddling while sleeping... weird I know!). Thing 3 was in bed with me all the time until 4 months old or so and then came in after her first waking at night. I found that we did really well until the babies wanted to start rolling. Then they liked their space. I had a really hard time with Thing 4 because after pinching my ulnar nerve at 2 weeks, I physically couldn't get into the nursing while sleeping position. This was devastating to me. It has all worked out well, but I can honestly tell you I miss it! Nursing while sleeping in the bed, I've found, gives both of us the most restful night of sleep. I am totally in tune with the babies and literally don't move other than to change boobs through the night. The babies are tucked safely under my arm and I LOVE it! I've found other ways to bond with Thing 4 (like holding her for a lot of her naps... slings etc), but I still miss the sleeping. After 2 months, my arm still isn't healed enough to do it... so sad.That said, I didn't drink any alcohol while the babies were in my bed, and the one time I had to use cough medicine with Hudson, I put him in a bassinet. I try to only have one infant in bed at the time (meaning I didn't let my older kids in the bed with me while there was an infant in there). It's about trusting your instincts as a MOM... so much of that is nature driven.
I can honestly say that I really don't like parenting books. I think all it does is make you second guess your instincts. Every child is different... I've had four now and they have all had different soothing methods, different ways they like to sleep, different forms of discipline that work, different routines. I think you just need to get to know your child and follow your instincts! Most parenting books just tell you what worked for some kids (probably the author's kids!) and honestly every time I read one I just felt like a bad mom because my kids were different. I don't feel that way anymore, I just steer clear of the books. I'm all for asking my mom friends for advise and for suggestions on this or that in terms of parenting, but for the most part, I'm going with my gut. A couple of exceptions... I LOVED the Happiest Baby on the Block and the Happiest Toddler on the Block... I got some very useful parenting tools from these books (the biggest being SWADDLING and validating / respecting a toddler's emotions).