Right? Okay, people have been asking me how the ole' potty learning is going with my son, Ronan, almost three. Wellll... we have our good days, and our bad days. Oh, he's learned all right, how to do it. When he wants to, he's gold star, one hundred percent, has no problems doing his business in the proper business receptacles. Public places, at home, big potty, little kiddie potty, whatever, he's been able to do everything everywhere. Except when he's being a punk. And lately he's being a punk. Take today, for example. This is either my make it or break it time, right now. As I've explained previously, it is important that we get this potty thing down, as Ronan is going into preschool in August and needs to be doing it on his own. They aren't diaper friendly. This is a good school. Hence, we have our mission. So, getting back on track, dear Ronan is currently sleeping in a pair of underwear full of poo. His choice. At lunch, he did his usual dance about after a few bites because he has the world's most hair trigger gastro-colonic reflex, and I offered, I guided him to, I suggested, I made note aloud that it might be a good time to visit el froggy over there in the special out of the way nook where he could do his business. I even suggested we go all the way upstairs to our ONE (yes. one.) bathroom and relax up there on the commode.
Him: NOOOOO!!!!!! I don't have to go potty! (runs away).
I'm feeding the baby at this time, but suspect that either he is a) using the froggy on his own accord, (as he has done NUMEROUS times) or he's b) crapping his pants. "B" was correct.
So, my response, as usual was, "poop does not belong in our pants; it belongs in the potty". He knows this. He's done it numerous times. "Ronan? Where does poo belong?" Him: "Potty". Me: "Right".
I take him upstairs, deposit the baby in her crib with some books and prepare for the gentle but insistent ritual of him removing his own pants and soiled undies, putting the poo where it belongs and then washing up, allowing for a clean start.
He says, "I need a bath!" (saying this because when this happened last time, I put him in the bath (after hosing him off with the shower handle) due to the insane amount of shit streaking his legs.)
Me: "First I need you to take your pants off. You are in charge of this, I know you can do it".
Him: "I can't do it myself!" (trust me, he can)
Me: "I know you can, it's up to you. I'll help you clean up, but first you need to take your pants off and we need to put the poopy where it belongs, in the potty."
Him: "No!"
Me: "So....you want to stay in your poopy underpants?"
Him: "Yes".
Me: "Okay, but if you change your mind, I'll help YOU clean up. You are in charge of your own body." (my favorite potty learning catch phrase).
So, off to bed he goes, but I know he's pissed off and kind of shocked I didn't insist on cleaning him up first. When he wakes up, I intend on suggesting to him again that he takes care of what's going on down there. I mean, I need to be consistent right? I am not rewarding this by putting him back in diapers, because a) I KNOW he doesn't need them anymore and b) I am pretty sure that is the wrong thing to do. My gut just tells me so.
So, weigh in, fellow parents. Am I courting child abuse here? Am I empowering my son to take these matters into his own hands? I think so. I know he's not too young, I mean, I've seen 18 month olds who are fully toilet trained with no issues. I didn't scold, I didn't shame him, I didn't yell, I just let him know I expected him to take care of his own mess in his pants, and if he didn't want to deal with it, then it would stay there. I mean, eventually, he'll take care of it right? Like when he gets a huge rash, probably... Ugh. I wish there was an easy answer. I know he's trying to work the control thing with me, I can see it in his eyes, but I want HIM to feel in control of HIMSELF. I know how happy he gets when he does successfully navigate adult plumbing on his very own... so what gives?
Any advice will be happily received. Flames too, if you got 'em. I can take it.
4 comments:
Usually when my gut tells me that it wasn't quite right it usually isn't, but my gut has shit for brains. Otis was very willful and we too needed to get him ready for preschool. It was a struggle but in the last couple weeks leading up to it he managed okay, and even though the preschool isn't diaper friendly I bet they are kids-don't-quite-have-it-down friendly. It seems like Otis got the hang of it from other kids at school.
Similar shit story, Otis was having one of those wining all friggin day long days a couple of months ago. I was dealing with moses or checking my email or ignoring my kids but he was wining about something upstairs and wouldn't come down and I was tired of bending to his will so I told him if needed something to come downstairs. Anyway it turned out he couldn't get his pants unbuttoned and shit his pants because I was too lazy to go upstairs. A+ parenting.
LOL. Yeah, I have to be careful about how that goes with the ignoring. I tend to get distracted and "tune out" whining when it becomes persistent. Oy.
By the way, Ronan has asked for Otis like 320492834098 the last two days. We should have a farewell playdate or something. We're leaving the 22nd. Boo hoo!
Hey Cat! Wasn't going to comment but it's lurking on my mind so I decided I will. I don't think I would have allowed him to go to sleep in poop. You are on a tightrope here, a fine line, ya know? On the one hand I agree, he's got to have responsibility, but at his age there is still a need for parental guidance. Or, more aptly, you can't give him too much reign. He's definately testing you! The taking off his own pants is great but the refusal to do it & then going off to bed is like he won that battle. He didn't do what you wanted, he got his own way (however unpleasant that ended up being for him). I just know that they take any advantage they can! Depending on how stubborn he is(seems rather!) it could end up biting you in the ass! He needs to know you are in charge, ya know? Just my 2 cents! And btw, don't think you are a bad mom or that you did the wrong thing, just wanted you to consider that maybe you're giving him too much control. Christy
Thanks for commenting,Christy! I hear you. I had thought about that, trust me. But, I want him to learn natural consequences as opposed to me always "telling" him what to do. I showed him the guidance to what I expected and also made it clear that what he was choosing was not what I had hoped he'd do, but in the end, and with all my parenting decisions, I'm trying to get to where they are comfortable choosing to do what they want to do because it's what they want and feel is right, not because I expect it. KWIM? That said, after he woke up, I "guided" his hands to clean up his own mess without being angry or anything, just sort of showing him what he needed to do (again..) and today, he's been great! I haven't had to prompt him at all and he's gone several times on his own. Hoping it continues, but I am not cleaning up after him if he messes up. I wonder if that sounds harsh...
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