Jolly Ronan

"Look Mommy!  Pirate Bones!"
 - Ronan 2.5 years old.  

Seriously, how cute is that?

Instinct Insanity

The event I am about to describe happened over a week ago, but it has been weird to process, and so bizarre that my husband and I have barely even discussed it with each other.  It is significant, likely unforgettable and yet, was such a quick, maybe 1 minute and 30 seconds of our lives, that it seems almost like it didn't happen.

So - the other weekend, on Sunday, my husband, the two children and I were up early.  We had our usual weekend breakfast routine of The Daisy Cafe just down the street and then we decided we would like to go to the Henry Vilas Zoo (that's the free zoo here in Madison).  As we're driving along, we get to this construction zone where the road is partitioned off by little reflective stick things that funnel the cars off into the appropriate lanes.  We're putting along in our old, blue station wagon and crazy from nowhere comes this small, red car zooming right behind us at crazy mach speed and fishtailing and honking at us and scaring the crap out of us.  Mind you, this is IN A CONSTRUCTION ZONE (of course, it was Sunday, so no workers out or anything).  He can't pass us due to the partition thingys but the second we are past them, he insanely comes along side us and is, let's just say, gesturing, and veering towards our car and we're, um, maybe yelling and perhaps Brandon threw a gesture back...(hey, just being honest), and THEN, he floors it, gets in front of us and STOPS.  So, of course, WE have to stop, because, um, crazy man has stopped his car, and I am yelling, "Oh My God!  Oh My God!  What's he doing?!".  At this point, I literally turn into a bear.  A mother bear.  I really know where the term blind rage comes from, because my memory of the next few seconds is fuzzy and is seen from afar, as if I was watching myself.  I know that by now I am in a rage and I remember screaming, "MY CHILDREN ARE IN THIS CAR" as I throw my jacket that I was holding onto the dash and I GET OUT OF THE CAR.  Get out isn't really the best descriptor though, more like FLY OUT.  I beat Brandon - who, mind you, had also started to get out of the car.  He must have still had some sense because I was like, about to vault over his car and beat the sh*t out of this guy.  This late middle age, gray haired guy.  Seriously.  My thoughts are that his guardian angel (or his brain) tapped him on the shoulder and whispered "um, dude, you should probably go because this woman is about to rip your arms off", because he JUMPED back into his little car and screeched the heck out of there.  I leapt back into our car, but I was shaking.  Shaking and feeling that adrenaline and the mad desire to smash some skull and Brandon and I are like, "whoa, what the F--- just happened here?!"  

Of course, after the event, we were left humming with anger and, for lack of a better phrase, unavenged bloodlust.  I'll give us props, as we didn't go tearing off after the guy.  Poor Ronan started to cry (we calmed him down right away) and thank God Isla was rearfacing, so all she saw was the beige headrest of the back seat.  Whew.  And, I can only thank the Lord that that crazy fool jumped back into his car because I know with every fiber of my being that I would have tried to fight him, and likely hurt him.  So, um, that would have been an assault charge on me... Brandon would have probably, oh hopefully pulled me off and not done anything himself to this guy, or that could have wrecked our lives for good.  Like jail, kids in foster homes and court dates and some social service person coming to our house regularly to check in on us "angry people".  And hollah!  Let's not forget, fighting someone in front of your kid is SO not the parent I want to be!  I am a pacifist!  I am Costa Rica, for crying out loud!  What happened to me?  It is scary to know that I was ready to engage!  I mean, I always knew I'd do anything to protect my kids, but actually seeing that primal part of me turn on was nuts.  Do I have an anger issue?  Should I seek counseling?  Does anyone else have an experience like this they would enjoy sharing?  *crickets*  

Oddly, Brandon pointed out that he noticed that the guy had a bunch of hippie peace bumper stickers (so pervasive here in Madison) all over the back of his car.  So, what gives?  Were we driving too slow at 9:45 a.m. on a Sunday morning in a construction zone for this guy?  Was he on drugs?  Did he think we were somebody else?  Argh!  I hope I never really know, or ever see that guy again and I am SO thankful that nothing actually happened that day that I would forever regret, because it could have.  Perhaps this was a rather anti-climactic story, as no heads were busted and no one landed in jail with their children being taken by DCS or anything, but heck, if we were bears, and were in the wild, and this had happened?  Oh yeah, we'd have been eating gray haired middle aged man that night.  No doubt.  

Take home lesson:  Never mess with bears.  Or moms.  

The Double Stroller Tango

(Disclaimer:  No one is paying me for saying any of this, alas.)

Ah, two children under two.  That was me just about.... 12 months ago.  Baby number two made her debut, and baby number one was not quite two yet.  And still needed (and still needs!) a stroller.

Deciding on which gigantic chariot was for us, was quite the decision.  Like, I made spreadsheets comparing the pros the cons, the weights, the widths, the ease of fold and I read user reviews like a woman who was obviously nesting.  Considering that I needed something for BOTH children to ride in, and I wanted it to last for a while and accommodate a newborn and toddler easily, my choices were limited.  Oh, I should also admit: I am a stroller snob.  But to be fair to myself, I have been loyal to and pleased with my choices thus far.

With baby number one.  We chose the no longer available Bugaboo Gecko.  It was replaced by the Bugaboo BEE.  That's fine, I still love that Gecko, it has taken a beating and is FAB-U-LOUS.  I recommend it when people are asking about a fantastic all in one/travel system type and don't mind shelling out what amounts to a car payment.  So, when number two was baking, I thought hard.  How do you top the 'boo?  What double stroller could possibly be as fabulous in my eyes as my little green machine that would happily tote around both kiddos?  I figured I wanted something rugged-ish, for bumpy sidewalks, possible dirt and or mulch trails, a nice push and something that would sorta' kinda' be like a jogger but not really as I don't really jog at all, but I like to think that maybe I might.  I narrowed it down to the Phil & Teds Vibe and the  BOB Revolution Duallie.  Both seemed like excellent strollers, but I chose the Vibe.  Two reasons.  One - it is as narrow as a single and two - the second seat can come off so it can be used as a single.  So that was good, right?  The Phil & Ted's was great!  It totally did what I wanted it to do, which was carry both kids around!  There are some negatives, like the underbasket is barely accessible when the double seat is attached, and it is a heavy beast, but I like it a lot.

But, like all good things, there came a time when even the Phil & Ted's did not do everything...  It is not your easy peasy throw in the back of the car and take to the mall little buggy.  Oh no.  I have a larger capacity vehicle, and hoisting the P&T into the back was rather laborous.  So, my husband, upon experiencing the joy of pushing his sister (Kiki!!)'s fabulous Maclaren Twin Techno, decided that that would be the perfect go-between for us.  And it is.  It still fits through doorways, collapses and opens easily (and has the nice little protector bits so my kids don't lose any fingers) and serves us well.  All in all, good times.

So, there you have it.  My little foray into the world of double strollers.  A delicate dance between form and function, size, weight, width and usefulness.

Me Time

Where do YOU find time for yourself?  WHEN do you find the time?  If you work outside the home, or in it, there just always seems to be SO much to do that eeking out a slice of the 24hour pie is next to impossible.  For example.  I am contemplating yoga tonight, but at 7:30!  I am practically dead on my feet at that time, but really, if I want to have dinner ready for my family and help get the babies in bed at a reasonable hour, this is really it.  That of course, means that I will have NO time to spend with the husband, because if I'm exhausted at 7:30, I'll be asleep by 9:01.  Or at least one minute after I get home.  But still, it'd be 1.5 hours all to myself to "recharge" and that is needed.  

Two weeks ago I literally went crazy.  I was so grumpy, emotional and strung out that I was laughing while trying to convey the absolute necessity of me getting a bit of free time.  It's ridiculous that I let it get so bad and let the "me time" lapse to such a degree that I become "she who must not be looked at straight in the eyes", because seriously, I might charge you.

Normally I let the me time go for a LONG time.  Usually that coincides with a new baby.  It's hard to get away from them (nor do you really want to) for any length of time because the new baby really wants to be with mommy, and usually no one else.  After, say, the first six months though, when baby is figuring themselves out, and becoming more independent, that's when I usually need a break.  I try to grab a little reading time here, a little knitting in there, some internet, a coffee break, whatever.  My issue tends to be I do not know how to ask for this time.  I have found that my husband is very amicable and supportive of this time, but for whatever reason, I have a hard time setting it up.  Mommy guilt.  Oh, very likely.  I think that even though I am a full time mom, I still don't even see it as "work" as much an outside the home or "paying" job.  Which, logically I know is absolutely laughable!  Sadly, the deeply ingrained cultural mind set of the perfect SAHM, has rooted itself into my psyche, and even though I KNOW I am human and need a break too, and I know that I do a LOT of work (more than when I was working outside of the home), I still don't tend to myself until it is often too late.

What do YOU do to give yourself a break?  Do you have a system worked out with your partner?  How do you find your "me time"?

Soccer MOM!

I had this flash of myself this morning and it was SCARY. G is out of town this week... so it was just me. I dressed Thing 1 in his soccer uniform, piled all four kids into my Honda Odyssey minivan with organic snacks and drinks in a cooler for the whole team, got a curb-side pick-up vanilla latte, and drove 2 miles to the soccer field where I cheered on my 6 year old son while he ran around a soccer field aimlessly kicking the ball! I am officially a SOCCER MOM! How did that happen?? I have to admit, I had a blast out there watching Thing 1 and his three cutie pie sisters cheering him on (well, Thing 4 didn't say much, but she was having a good time). So yes, I'm a minivan driving, latte drinking, soccer mom and I'm proud. (no big soccer ball stickers on the back of my car though... I will draw the line at that!)

A few of my favorite things (#1, #2, #3)

Being the mom of four, I have an opinion on practically everything from sippy cups and slings, to products and diapers. Here are a few of my favorite things (note... I am not being paid for any of my opinions here... this is all me!):

1. Slings: The moby wrap and ergo baby carrier. I honestly don't think I would have survived kid 3 without the moby. Thing 3 had reflux and literally would scream if she was anywhere other than the moby. I think I kept her in there pretty much all the time for her first 4 months of life. I still love it with Thing 4. It's a great hands free sling that goes over both shoulders to distribute the weight. It's soft and stretchy. The baby feels like they are back in the womb. love love love it! When the babies get a little bigger I love the ergo (you can use this for little babies as well, but I think the moby is just better). The ergo is easy to get on, comfy for a variety of ages, and easy to transfer to person to person. It's comfortable for moms and babies and super easy to wash. I've tried a lot of different slings (Cat, you've tried more... so feel free to give your fav's as well!) but these are my favorites, and have been all around accepted by my kids. I had a pouch sling (hotsling and new native), but Hudson was the only one to really like that. All the other ones just got agitated in there after awhile.

2. Rainbow Products (this is the amazon link, but you can get it in a lot of places)

I was just giving the kids a bath tonight and I was thinking how much I loved the smell of their shampoo and conditioner. It's made by Rainbow. They have this cherry vanilla scent that is amazing, and their original scent is great too. The detangling conditioner actually works (unlike most I've tried) even on Thing 1's crazy dread head. They sell a fantastic body wash , hand soap, and bubble bath as well. Most if not all of their products are organic and they don't test on animals. LOVE IT!

3. Petit Bateau and Tea Clothing: ok, I know it's expensive (especially Petit Bateau), but I can't help it. The colors are fantastic, the clothes are soft, they wash well, make great hand-me-down's and for some reason, I am drawn to these brands in the store. I don't have a lot of them (most of the kids' clothes are from target and old navy), but if I could shop these brands all the time I would! Tea usually has great sales on their website, so I try to stick to that. It's great for mix and match clothing that the kids can put together themselves (a necessity with my kids who won't wear anything that I pick out), and for my son who at 6 years old still refuses to wear anything with a button or snap (yes, they still make elastic waist shorts for a size 7 that are cute and not your standard sweats!). I'm still searching for good sales on Petit Bateau, so if you know of any, please pass them on!

The times, they have a'changed!

Does anyone else think that childhood today is a teeny bit, oh, more apesh*t than it was ten-fifteen (30?) years ago? There are so many technological distractions out there these days that I cannot even IMAGINE what my children will be facing in ten years! Right now, my kids are pretty much interested in what kids have been interested in for, oh, the past history of humankind. Toys. Fun. Exploring. My children are two and almost one years old, so, I suppose they are pretty easy to entertain. But in a few years, oh man! What am I going to do?

For example. When do kids get cell phones? I am not talking about getting my kids iPhones with unlimited text messaging or anything, but I can see the value of a limited minutes simple phone they can use to call us in emergencies. I KNOW my parents would have gotten me one, but it would have been HIGHLY controlled. I remember getting my first phone in my room when I was in Junior High. Pink, plastic, and connected to my parents land line. No private number for me! But still, I felt very awesome. I didn't get a cell phone until Graduate School. That's GRADUATE SCHOOL folks. Did I miss not having a phone all prior to that? Well, no. No one had one, really, except fancy folks. I was not fancy. Am not fancy. Okay, so cell phones. Any suggestions?

Next. The internet. HOW? What? WHEN?! No longer do you worry about the bully on the playground, but the bully on Facebook, or Myspace, or whatever. Hearing about children killing themselves because of being bullied on the internet sends tremors of anger and fear through me. I suppose I can have "parental controls" and "keep conversation lines open" and "monitor" to the best of my ability, but seriously? kids can get around you! I was once a child. I understand this. I harbor no delusions that I will a) have no problems when my children become tweens and teens and that they'll always think the sun sets and rises by my dictate, or b) that they (even if we have an amazing relationship) will tell me everything. I was a pretty well rounded teen and fairly happy, I think, but embarrassing trips through some old journals (now tossed, because really, I do NOT need that stuff lurking around in some box) and rereading the inky scribblings of teen angst, proved a clear reminder that I was trying to deal with lots of emotions on my own. Not fun. Not cool. I can only imagine how much weirder and more angsty it would have been if I had been trying to prove myself not only at school, but also on the internet! Yikes. I truly feel that technology today has advanced MUCH faster than young children and teens are capable of handling.

And not only is the world of technology far more invasive than I'm currently comfortable with (mind you, spoken by someone whose own iPhone is never farther than four feet away) but I have lost pretty much all confidence in the American Education System. Not in teachers, please note, but in the system. I hate how underfunded schools are, how important curricula is phased out, how sports are overglorified and how little focus is placed on the individual. I'm not sure the school box is the way to go.

To be quite honest, I am very much thinking more and more about homeschooling, or other form of alternative education. Not so much to protect my kids from things they might run into in the school yard, but because maybe I think that this whole world is really far, far too complex. Much more than it needs to be. And I think, honestly, that I can do a better job. I have no more faith in the system. I'm no longer confident with putting my kids in school to be told later that my child is "acting out" and likely ADHD because energy and creativity are no longer appreciated as it makes it harder to ram the FCAT (or, insert your states BS standardized test here).My goal is definitely not to produce children who are obsessed with some vague notion of "success" as defined by American capitalism. What DO I want for them? I want them to be happy! I don't want them to have homework in Kindergarten and I don't want their schedules filled with so much work and sports and clubs and etc. etc. that their dayplanner is busier than Hillary Clinton's. That is not living, at least in my opinion. I'm not suggesting I hope to raise slacker waistoids, but maybe, just maybe, I want to try something else and let THEM decide who they want to be, and what they want to do. Less pressure... I'm sure that sounds so naively idealistic. But it's how I'm feeling right now. It's how I feel most days. And I think about this a lot. Especially since I'm feeling the "preschool pressure" to get my son in the "best" preschool I can find (and afford). He's not even three and I'm already getting sucked in. I can feel it. And it's freaking me out.

How do you navigate this 1000000 x more complicated world? Or am I making a big deal out of nothing?

Does anyone wonder if our priorities are skewed?